My son is going to become a doctor… born in a Indian family and society - my career was decided by my parents at birth. Unknown to me, my smartness (determined by my grades in elementary school) and talent was already circulated in my neighborhood and I became a focal point for everyone. My parents started putting restrictions on me slowly but surely to ensure that my image of smart, well behaved & studious student is maintained. I was not allowed to play outside, restricting tv time, ensuring that I spend more time studying and also making sure that l do not get distracted by noise or social elements (friends). My parents did have right intention, but I feel methods were wrong. They strongly believed that forcing me in to an environment of isolation will make me focused, hard working, and attentive. Unknown to them, this was actually doing a reverse effect on me… when they wanted me to study, I wanted to play… when they wanted to me focus, I wanted to do something else… when they wanted me to remain alert or attentive, I was very distracted… but they did not know this… I slowly started playing a game where I was daydreaming and they thought I am studying… just to add though, naturally I had very good memory and organization skills so 10th grade board exam I did very well. But now, this raised expectations multi fold from everyone that I will get very good rank in state exam and will become a doctor 100 percent. On top of study’s, here comes all personal tutors… but no one asked me, what do I feel or how do I feel. Do I have any challenges or issues… how is school, am I being bullied or kids playing with my head to bring me down as they were jealous of my grades… all this pressure resulted in a state of mind where my attention span reduced to few seconds, I was constantly jumping, racing kind, anxiety, and desire to always shine or get recognized at every moment of my life…fast forward, I did not become doctor and always felt that I should have been, never able to focus in my career, finances, always in search of perfection and slowly frustration leading to aggression…I suffered through this for many years and never realized that I could get help… My suffering was contagious as along with me, my family and people around me also suffered…In Indian society, stating that you have behavioral health concern is big taboo. You would immediately be subject to fun or advise that it’s money making for doctors or medicines make people mad..This did prevent me seeking help…21 years, I struggled through thiw- but when it affected to my family tremendously on routine basis, I decided to seek help. ignoring all noise and advices around me, I did reach out to a doctor and therapist… it was very easy for them to diagnose acccuratey and was put on medication and therapy… today, 10 months in to this, I feel free, I no longer have aggression, I am living life mindfully, I enjoy doing things, and able to start focusing on things… most importantly I do not have any regret towards myself or any one else… I am in my own world , happy and people around me feel the same…it’s never late…
More to come on my journey…
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